Working Mom Life Archives - Lori Mercer CTO

Parenting + Work – Adjusting to having it all

by Lori Mercer | Jul 14, 2020 | Kids and Family, Virtual Professional, Work-from-home jobs, Working Mom Life, Working Moms

holding hands "I'll go with you" tattoo on arms

The New York Times recently published an article called: In the Covid-19 Economy, You Can Have a Kid or a Job. You Can’t Have Both.

Full stop. I had been in the middle of a social media break but I put that quickly on pause. Because this message is HUGE. It hits the very soul of my life passion: for women to have BOTH successful careers and fulfilling motherhood (and now I’d add…. a strong partnership in parenting to benefit both).

Can I just say….if I was working for a company remotely or outside my home I would be losing my mind about now.

I’m already stretched thin balancing my flexible, full-time business from home with all my kids – whom I love – here with me! Throw in an ex-husband who regularly tells me it’s “no big deal… they can manage themselves while you work” and I’ve just focused on deep, cleansing breaths to get through this season…. which SURELY must come to an end right?

Here’s a great quote from this article (who is also an online business owner i.e. flexible schedule):

“Let me say the quiet part loud: In the Covid-19 economy, you’re allowed only a kid or a job. Why isn’t anyone talking about this? ………I think it’s because when you’re home schooling all day, and not performing the work you were hired to do until the wee hours of the morning, and do it on repeat for 106 days (not that anyone is counting), you might be a bit too fried to funnel your rage effectively.”

then this….

“And I speak from a position of significant privilege. We were, until recently, a two-income family with savings, paying for more than the minimum of child care hours that we needed each day just to cover what-ifs,……..But my family, as a social and economic unit, cannot operate forever in the framework authorities envision for the fall.”

This is the problem…we can’t do this (the burnout mode) forever.

There is hope for a better way though, I am going to get to that. Not only am I doing this now but I have waded through some very tough seasons working fulltime as a mom of four and have some ideas I think will help.

First….

Thank goodness this is finally a topic!

I’ve watched so many of us crawl into our caves of self-sacrifice and just GSD (get $hit done as my girls and I say) through work transition, remote school, extra sanitization and more.

Some charged full steam ahead as long as they could, others retreated and self-survived. Some of us truly just drank a little more and wondered how the days feel so long and short at the same time.

BECAUSE WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF BRUTE FORCE WORKING THRU SOMETHING FOR A SEASON (pregnancy, infancy, toddlers, teen hormones, bad bosses, midlife crises….. global pandemic + highly tumultuous world was just a new one for all of us). Here we are almost 4 months later with very few answers and no real end in sight.

Pause and ask yourself these quick questions:

Did you take on too much? Is there room to ask for more balance from the other parent?

Married or not…. I challenge you to not enable a situation where life is being sucked out of you in the name of being a people pleaser.

Are you really working for the right employer or running the right business for you?

You still have choices….even in this economy.

you still have choices in this economy image

This topic has so many layers…… relationships, personal growth, life purpose/career choices, societal expectations, gender bias in the workplace.

Where am I finding the hope and the way right now? Yes, firstly, deep cleansing breaths first but there is more than that. There is good news in this and here it is…

There is a way to move forward even given our current situation in life trying to “balance” it all… but Momma, you are going to have to think differently.

These are my “think different” game-changers:

You can have both. Work + Kids.

It is not one or the other – that is a lie. Might just look a little different than it did before. I’m still seeing a lot of professional working moms start their own freelance / contract businesses (the world is already moving this way). You know where to find my resources. Here’s my latest – epic master list of work from home options.

It will take new systems and partnership.

This is a chance to reset your own expectations, systems, goals and focus to level up into a more effective you. Don’t gloss over that. Resetting expectations is HUGE. Leveling up might mean goaling down. Yeah… it’s temporary though! Maybe the goal post gets moved back a bit, we have to be kind to ourselves and our families right now in this season. We aren’t saying no to ourselves but maybe it’s okay to say not yet.

Partnership. This looks different for anyone but it is time to sit down and figure out how to be a good partner AND develop a fair and productive partnership. This can be about more than the other parent. Older kids can get involved here too. A chance to ask them to level up where appropriate is an opportunity for all to grow and help the family in this season.

Let’s all just “do good and be good”.

As a leader (or an employee), it’s a chance to improve company culture and negotiate things like hours, salary, and flexibility that ultimately bring better results in business with happier employees. Not sure staying with your current employer is you best option, check out my blog on 3 Reasons To Quit.

Rest and reset.

We all need to still show up as emotionally intelligent professionals, both for work and for our families. There’s no end in sight to this season so like everything else you’ve figured out as a working mom….. let’s dig in and do this in community with one another. You were never meant to do it alone.

Intentionally rest. I know how hard that can be. I build this into my schedule because it doesn’t happen otherwise. This is different from burning out and not being able to look at the screen for a bit. Intentional rest ensures that we do not burn out on our work or our family. It builds in time to relax and reset so we can take on another week, game face on.

We got this because we have each other and that is the best way forward; together.

Sending the strength to all the working parents out there!!!

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Start Here: A Technology Roadmap for Entrepreneurs

by Administrator | Nov 16, 2017 | Online Marketing, Online Marketing Tech, VA Toolbox, Virtual Professional, Working Mom Life, Working Moms

Choosing the right technology and getting it implemented.

It’s overwhelming!

So let’s not kid ourselves. You’re doing hard things often when you make technology choices.

But you’re an entrepreneur which means you’re smarter than the average bear and understand how to make trade off decisions. Which is ultimately what choosing and implementing a technology comes down to.

When you feel like you’ve finally got all your systems in place, don’t get comfortable. Something will change or a bright shiny object will tempt you. And for good reason because technology is a game changer for entrepreneurs today.

We’ve never lived in a time with access to better, faster tools for someone to start their own business.

In 1995, I graduated from The Ohio State University with a Computer Engineering degree and the only reason I had an email address was because I was an engineering student! My senior project was to convince the Columbus Zoo they needed a website and design it for them. Crazy!

In the early 2000’s, it still took a really techie person to make you a website. But now almost anyone can whip out a website in an hour.

I say this not to date myself but to give you perspective as to the power of technology that’s in your hands.

But where to begin? There are so many choices! I give you permission to be overwhelmed. The technology market for entrepreneurs is a hot mess!

So now we know what we’re dealing with, we start with goals.

It’s never about the technology tool.

Did you read this? Don’t let the tool selection lead any decision. It’s first about your business goals and needs.

Here’s a simple framework so you can see exactly what tech tools you need to have in place:

Now that we understand we are working from goals, let’s look at a tiered roadmap for various stages of your entrepreneurial venture:

Now, clearly this is a bigger discussion than one blog post can handle (even an epic blog post which I personally find overwhelming.) You really need some “thinking and processing” time.

Here are some quick hints for now. To keep things short, this is the “I’m going to trust you on this” list without the heavy explanations:

Always choose WordPress (over Wix, Squarespace, etc).
Divi is hands down my favorite WordPress theme that will take you for MILES – landing page design, membership site pages and more.
Ontraport is your best all-in-one solution for Email Marketing + Sales pages + Membership management and even fulfillments, SMS messaging, postcard sending and more. All-in-one. That’s the key. No integrations AKA breakage points.

So this barely covers the tip of the iceberg BUT you aren’t in the business of being a tech expert. All you need to know is how to frame up a good tech decision for you.

All my favorite tools are listed here.

For more on that decision making, I invite you to listen to my Technology Roadmap for Entrepreneurs video as a next step.

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When 45 Feels Like Forever 21

by Lori Mercer | Oct 20, 2017 | Everyday, Fire Family Life, Kids and Family, Lori Mercer, Uncategorized, Working Moms

If you are reading this and can’t believe this girl writing to you is going to be 45, join the club. Most days, I feel like I’m still the anxious 21, 22, 23 year old that jet-setted cross country in my brand new corporate job, super eager but lacking much experience. Here’s a clue…..that feeling of “am I good enough?” is one we will wrestle with every day of our life. At 45 I’m finally convinced of that and it’s mostly what keeps me jumping in the ring and facing fears every day.

For all of you 20 and 30 somethings out there, let me start by saying the 40s are legitimately the new 20s (with a slower recovery from late nights).

As I turn 45 this weekend, I’m teetering on that sharp edge of dreading the turn towards 50 and embracing the wisdom and freedom that comes with no longer caring what everyone thinks. My weak and vulnerable brain could fall either way depending on how well I’ve paid attention to my self-care, exercise, and diet to keep me in a positive place.

I’ve found a lot of me but there’s also still a lot to be discovered. As I’m “on my way to 50″, I’m also married to an even closer to a 50-year-old man. Honestly, with zero disrespect to my stud-muffin firefighter husband, I just don’t feel like I’m old enough to be married to someone who’s almost 50. 45 pushes me out of the “middle age” feel and into the “heading towards empty nester” season…..which is a mere 6.5 years away.

I hope this processing is as therapeutic for you as it is for me. The annual birthday blog always jumps out of nowhere in my brain and surprises me.

What is it about birthdays that makes me so introspective? Doesn’t matter. Here we go again.

Let me try to make this worth your while. Because serving women through my creative efforts is my opus in life. I spent a lot of time figuring that out in my early 40s and it couldn’t be more on point. No matter what I’m doing, I’ll be happy if I’m creating and serving, and especially serving women.

For those who aren’t to the 40’s yet, I encourage you to set a 42-year-old goal. That was an age that always stood out to me as “if you are doing this by 42, you’ve made it.” Whatever the heck ‘made it’ means to you.

My 42-year-old age milestone came from watching a new CEO take that title in my corporate world at age 42. It was my first realization that he seemed so young (to me in my 30’s) and that it IS possible for big accomplishments in the next few years.

From a young age, like 15 or 16, I always had this vision that somehow I would be a CEO of a non-profit. It fully embodied my business brain and my heart’s desire to serve. I just wanted to DO GOOD in the world and wanted to build and lead something that would do so….instead of using my talents to simply line the pockets of another wealthy shareholder.

Honestly, I can’t tell you that I wrote that down, visualized it every day and made it happen. (Like all those 3 steps to your dream career blog posts tell you) It all sort of fell into place and when I started blogging at FirefighterWife.com in 2012, this was NOT where I expected to end up. I thought that blog would help me expand my web development business. Which it did, but what a wild ride now as 24-7 COMMITMENT, a national non-profit reaching millions coast-to-coast each month is changing lives. It’s the HARDEST, most important work I’ve ever done (next to marriage and parenting).

So here comes the “old lady wisdom” from this girl on the downhill slide to 50.

If you are in your 20s: LEARN. Get out there and get experiences. Work under a mentor who cares and helps develop your skills. And don’t let go of those dreams that you have no clue how you’re going to make happen. If you find yourself in a place that feels further away from those dreams and sucks your soul, get out and run fast. There’s so much more flexibility to pivot in your 20s before mortgages and babies.

If you are in your 30s: know that these are the WORKHORSE years as my husband and I call them. You are likely in high maintenance parenting zone and these are the core work years for putting away bank for retirement at the same time. Stay FOCUSED. Take time to play. Watch the seeds you are planting turn into a harvest. That blink of an eye thing with kids goes so fast (says the mom of a senior who was just a 3 lb preemie last week.)

If you are in your 40s: well, let’s not give up together ok? My face may not be the clear, smooth, shiny face that lights up facebook lives, but we can hide that video view (or make it tiny in the corner with a special diva light filter) and still drop mega wisdom on a screen share video ok? I’m only right here with you but I have a feeling that we’ve only just begun.

This year I lost my father who was 70 years and 8 days old when he passed after an aggressive 10 week battle with brain cancer that first took his mental clarity before it took his life. And when I think of all the amazing stuff my father accomplished between age 45 and 70, I realize we still have 2 maybe 3 or 4 full cycles of amazing work ahead of us!

If you are in your 50s or 60s or more and reading this, can I ask you to step alongside me and others like me as mentors and friends?

Judging from my 45 years here on this earth, there seems to be a great gap, especially in female mentorship.

In fact, when I was in my 43rd year (right after that spectacular 42nd year), I experienced a deep valley of grief and loneliness feeling like I was running this business and life race solo. Where were the women who had gone before me? I thought I had found a couple in my space only to be burned and used up. People I trusted as friends and confidantes who in the end, only wanted a piece of the pie and some of the glory. Which I’m happy to share because I’m really not about the glory….. but there’s this thing about givers and takers in friendship and I had started attracting a TON of takers.

It hurt badly.

I thought they were friends but there were qualifications around that friendship and manipulative efforts. I vowed to not let that experience cause me to hide my core values of transparency, openness and giving towards others, but to simply be more aware of the motives of others as I enter into business relationship with them. And the internet can disguise a whole lot of stuff. Someone who “appears” to have it all together and is “coaching” women, but has a houseful of disgruntled teenagers running away and doing drugs, maybe isn’t the person to take parenting advice from. I’ve realized some people are so blinded by their own hurts and emotional baggage, they can’t see your situation with enough objectiveness to speak truth into your life. They are speaking through their own -isms. Be careful who you are taking advice from is the short way to say that. (and as one who mentors women, I find myself being so cautious that the words I speak are not slanted by my limited views in places where I have my own -isms.)

So back to the 50s and 60s, from what I see now, women older than me who appears to possibly be a mentor, are struggling too. Their marriages are hard too. Their teenage and grown children are facing challenges too. Their business isn’t always running optimally. And the pressure feels a little stronger as the “workhorse” days are shorter on our bodies.

What’s sitting on my brain now at age 45 and heading into my 50s?

This phrase is on a post it on my bathroom sink that I scribbled while listening to a podcast one morning (#neverstoplearning)

“How will I make the next level of contribution?”

How will I give back and serve into these spaces in my heart? As a mom to my teens? As a wife to an almost 50-year-old man who could retire from the job of his dreams in as few as 6 years? To my Firefighter wives. Mom’s in corporate. Exhausted entrepreneurs who just want me to fix all that internet ninja magic for them.

May this 45th birthday milestone inspire you to think about your next level of contribution no matter what season or decade you are facing now.

And if your jaw dropped hearing that I’m 45, thank you. It feels surreal to me each year as I age. I still feel like I’m in my 20s and wonder if I’m really “old enough to adult like a 45 year old”.

I want to feel Forever 21 and young at heart, even as the beautiful streaks of silver, my mom and grandma share are starting to grow at a faster rate. I predict, maybe insist, that silver will be the new purple by the time I’m 52.

And for those who want to “be like Lori when they grow up” which entirely cracks me up everytime I hear it, these are all my best free resources to change the world virtually from your home office.

But a word of caution, you may end up CEO of a national movement and wonder who gave you the keys to this important mission? (Praise God who is always good.)

Top 3 Reasons to Quit Your Corporate Career Right Now

by Lori Mercer | May 24, 2017 | How to Quit Your Job, HSQ, Virtual Professional, Work-from-home jobs, Working Mom Life, Working Moms

I quit my corporate career after 22 years.

Hi, I’m Lori.

And I’m a quitter.

I quit doubting my abilities and being paid too little for my talents.

I quit racing out the door every morning to make that next “urgent” meeting set by someone else while being held captive in our corporate cells.

I quit having to fly around the world at someone else’s demand and instead choosing when and where I want to travel with my family for my business.

I quit scheduling 6 am conference calls to Europe and 9 PM conference calls to Asia because that’s my family time.

I quit worrying about what that new boss is going to do to our project budget and timeline and staffing levels.

I quit the corporate rat race but I still do what I love, with all my professional skills and experiences, on my time, with clients I chose, from the comfort of my home.

These days I’m home every morning for breakfast and I’m here every afternoon when the bus pulls up.

Yes sometimes I work early mornings or late evenings but it’s by my choice.

I truly quit working. Because what I do now rarely feels like work.

If you’re like me, a busy corporate working mom, you’ve spent time choking back angry words and hot tears in your cubicle for a million and one reasons.

Let me tell you the truth that no one else is sharing…

You were made for more than this. And there is a better way to be wife, mom and mega-__________ (insert your super talent) for the world.

You see, you are so talented that the smart people in your company want to keep you around. They’ll stroke you with just the right compliments and just enough flexibility to make the job tolerable. Of course, they aren’t going to tell you that you are worth more because they don’t want to lose you.

You might be sitting there thinking, “But Lori, that is great for YOU. It won’t be the same for ME. I won’t be as lucky.”

Nope. Nada. Luck has nothing to do with it. It takes brains (you’ve got them), a system (you can learn that) and a new way of thinking outside of the corporate mold (you’ll start going there with this article.)

There are 3 primary reasons to quit your corporate career now:

#1 Freedom – You make your schedule

Do you dread setting the alarm clock at night? Does the sound of it going off in the morning make you cringe? Does it make you shiver with anger every time you have to take time off for a doctor’s appointment or vacation? If any of things are ringing true for you, then you are craving a life of control – where you are in charge. Running your own business does not mean you do not have the responsibility, it simply means you are one making the decisions. Many times it is MORE work, but it is work you care about.

#2 Family – Your most important priority

Oh moms. This is where my heart and passion lie. I can remember laying awake night after night just devastated that another day would go by where I would miss seeing those sweet cheeks laying next to me. Hearing the baby belly laughs or experience the awkward elementary plays because I had a late meeting. There is no pain like a mother’s hurt, feeling like she is letting her family down (even though we are NOT – know that I do not feel that way… I just know what YOU are feeling. I have been there!). If you have the passion and desire to BE there with your family. Truly there, in and out every single day no matter the good, bad, in between times – there is a path to do so and the options are more available than ever.

#3 Passion – You were made for more than what’s inside those cubicle walls

Now, don’t think for a second I am getting all “woo-woo” on you! My techie side just isn’t made like that, I promise. BUT – there is something to be said for following what we love. If you are with me reading this, you have something you love, truly love. You have a piece of you that is missing, where your career just isn’t enough. Where your career + family STILL isn’t filling a void that you NEED to feel complete. Honestly, I have spoken to so many mothers who feel BAD about this. Please do not. This is incredible and is one the things that make you such a great mom. Your passion and drive are what will bring you great success.

You likely have some business ideas and maybe you’ve even taken some steps to get started but it feels like everything is stacked against you and it seems that it may be just easier to tough it out in this job.

Don’t be lulled into complacency with the “easy” money.

Your job there is no safer than the entrepreneurial world. It could be cut tomorrow and “they” are not going to feel bad about that. “They” care about the company first, people second.

My only regret leaving my corporate job is that I didn’t do it soon enough.

Don’t believe the lies within those cubicle walls. There is a way out that doesn’t mean sacrificing your family nor your professional skills.

Take the next step and join our free community or download the guide to 7 Virtual Businesses You Can Start Today.

If you are a professional making $80k+ in corporate and want to expedite your Virtual Professional business, Virtual Work Mentor is the program you want.

What is holding you back? Why not quit your corporate career now? Please share in the comment section below, maybe we can find our way through that together.

3 Things That Will Make Moms Want to Quit Their Job- and How to Get Through Those Moements

by Lori Mercer | Oct 3, 2014 | Especially For The Fire Wife, Everyday, Fire Family Life, Kids and Family, Working Moms

I’ve been a woman all my life (ha ha!). I’ve always had a job since age 16. Therefore I call myself a “working woman” and by that I mean no disrespect to stay at home moms. And I’ve birthed 4 children while maintaining my employment starting with my millennium baby in January 2000. I’ve worked full time, part time, flex time, ramp up / ramp down, work from home and all combinations in the corporate world. I think i have something to say about this topic. Well, a ton actually. But here is one of my most favorite posts I wrote all the way back in 2008 after the birth of my 4th. It’s meant to help new moms be prepared for new mom brain no matter how career minded you are. You’re normal. And it passes 🙂

I experienced these three situations with every single child, even number 4 when I knew well in advance these moments would arrive. I don’t think the tension of being a mom versus doing the work you love ever entirely goes away – just for seasons of good balance which I so treasure. So just consider this a heads up so you aren’t blindsided and making rash decisions 🙂

#1 Holding your newborn baby in your arms.
It does not matter how career driven and focused you are. That precious newborn that just sprung forth from your womb needs Y-O-U. 100%. 24/7. She is priority #1. In your hormone induced opinion, there is not a single other qualified person on the planet who is capable of caring for that child. Daddy gets his chance to bond of course. And depending on how close you are to your mom or sisters or girlfriends, they can be briefly entrusted with the care of your newborn so you can escape for a shower or a meal. Sometimes this feeling lasts for 2 days, sometimes it lasts for 2 weeks or 6 weeks or even longer. By the time I was due with my 4th child, I knew it was coming. I thought about my career and how to manage my job while on maternity leave and I fully expected to have that window of time where all I wanted to do was hold that baby and gaze lovingly upon her and watch her breath as if she needed my moral support for every single inhale………..and swear I’d never go back to work for another day until I ushered this little creation through her high school graduation. But this time, I saved myself the emotional agony of wrestling with the guilty working mom decision again. I told myself it was coming, to enjoy that time period where I was allowed to sit and do nothing but love on her. It would quickly pass. And before long, this little bundle of feathers would be rosy cheeked and vibrant and ‘durable’ enough that I’d entrust her to a caregiver. And even sooner, she’d be a strong-willed, temper-tantruming 3 year old whom I’d gladly handle over to the authorities for fear of ringing her little neck! To all those expectant moms out there…..you too will feel this way. It’s our hormonal natural animal instinct. My advice: don’t make any rash decisions with raging post-partum hormones

The #2 reason you swear to never work another day in your life: Not having trustworthy, reliable childcare
As soon as you discover that your childcare provider is throwing lunchables in front of your kids everyday for lunch instead of a well balanced meal with apples, cheese sticks and chicken soup. Or doesn’t greet you at the door with a smile. Or talks on the phone incessantly (in front of you!) in a depressing tone to her friends. Or doesn’t stand up for your child when he’s being picked on at the daycare center. Or, or, or, or. The list goes on and on. To some of you, these may not sound like big things. But for that delicately balanced teeter totter of guilt, it only takes one small item to tip things the other way. You are already sacrificing time away from your children for a career you feel called to or that is required to make ends meet. But never, under any circumstance, would you do that if it meant your children were not happy and satisfied during the day. I always say we’d move to a trailer in the boondocks before we’d sacrifice the well-being of our children. You’ll cancel the most important meeting under the sun (or call in a very difficult favor!) if you felt that the childcare situation was compromising your child’s well-being.

Reason #3: Having a sick child
Even if you have the best Mary Poppins nanny who stays at your house to watch your kids, when babies are sick, they want their mommies. My brain completely turns off as I snuggle in my feverish, stuffy nose, red cheeked babies from 6 am to 3 pm. I’ll let work know not to expect me and put all my focus on them until I feel they are safely out of the woods and I see nourishment and a smile cross their lips. This works for the occasional virus or flu bug. But there are children who are really, really sick with a life threatening illness. I experienced this with my first child who was born 10 weeks early and weighed only 3 pounds. He spent the first 30 days in the hospital and the first 6 months on various medications and monitors that taught me more about the medical field than I care to know. During that time, my full focus was on him and his well being. He recovered and so did I and went back to my career. But that is the one scenario in which I can’t imagine trying to be a working mom. Thank the Lord I have been blessed with healthy children and have not had to make this a consideration. But should that be the case, then I know exactly what will be required of me. At that point, my purpose in life becomes nurturing my babies. And for those moms out there who have done this, you are amazing and strong. More than you even know and way more than you are probably told. For those individuals and those seasons of our lives, I leave this thought which was shared with me by the attending physician when my son was born 10 weeks early: God does not give you more than you can handle!

So on this journey of being a working mom, there are peaks and valleys, bumps and turns, and lots of crossroads where we must re-evaluate our decision. Keep in mind these 3 scenarios and realize it is only for a season and make your decision when standing on a firm foundation and not in the midst of turmoil and change.

There are seasons when we need to hold onto the day job to support our family and seasons when there is nothing more important than getting the heck the out of there. Join our community of women who are burning the candle at both ends to do the right thing for their family and move their career to their kitchen table.

JOIN THE QUITTERS CLUB

Are You Busy or Prioritized?

by Lori Mercer | Nov 24, 2013 | Fire Family Life, Kids and Family, Working Moms

“There is no one busy in this world, it’s always about priorities. You will always find time for the things you feel important.”

People always say to me they don’t know how I do it. 4 (busy active years) kids in hockey, soccer, scouts (I’m the leader), full time job, fire schedule, church, life group, women’s group, etc. Oh yeah, and all of this at firefighter wife. This quote is the best answer I’ve seen in a long time to describe my life. I don’t feel busy. I feel full and blessed. Like everything is in my life because I want it there.

Because so many are always perplexed at our schedules, here on a Sunday night when all the planning happens, I wanted to give you a glimpse of my answer to this.

Always prioritized at the top….
– Time with my husband. Conversations with him at moments I know we can both be home, and awake and present, plus date nights at least once a month
– Activities with my kids – going to watch all their sports events, leading scouts, doing things one on one, having them help me around the house
– Prayer time / bible study
– 3 times a week fitness
– my work responsibilities are never neglected

Here is what doesn’t happen
– overworking my job – work smarter, not more
– long, lengthy meal prep / cooking / clean up (not something I enjoy anyhow so this feels more like a chore than a hobby)
– deep cleaning on a regular basis (happens more seasonally but we live in a little clutter)
– gardening / landscaping – we chose to not put in landscaping because we didn’t want to be consumed by yard work
– shopping – I rarely go out to the stores except seasonally when I have a good coupon and buy it all at once
– hovering over my kids – we work a lot on independence – getting dressed themselves, helping with laundry, responsibility for homework. The 6 year old comes up with some really creative and unique outfits and I don’t get all freaked out if she isn’t matchy-matchy.
– high maintenance hair styles / beauty routines – I have a 20 minute bed to ready routine and twice a week I skip showers when I work from home
– oh yeah, the commute. We chose to live 5-10 minutes from my office on purpose. Although in a big city, I almost never get on the freeway.
– TV – rare that I watch it and when I do it’s for family / husband time. Those hours instead go to my bible studies or reading, etc.
– I don’t volunteer at school. Ever. it’s not my gift really and there are lots of other moms in our community who do so. When I do it feels painful and uncomfortable so I chose to not have that in my high priority list.

You get the idea.

I don’t want you to read this and think I’m all self-righteous and perfect because that’s so far from the truth. I want you to read this and think about YOUR PRIORITIES and where you spend YOUR TIME. Is there something more you are missing in your life? What can you remove to make room for it? That’s the lesson here.

If you feel called to do something in your life, you will find a way to make it happen. Whether its go back to school or change jobs or have a baby or start a side job or just fit in more family time.

And as a fire wife, when you stop trying to fit your life into the prescribed M-F mold of the rest of the world, you’ll find a lot more freedom to build a life that works for YOU and your fire family.

So there’s a Sunday night soapbox for you 🙂 Be encouraged. Make changes one at a time. And be gentle with yourself in the process.

#wifeonfire