Unqualified Doubt Monsters

Unqualified Doubt Monsters

Take a step. Learn. Adjust.Take another step.

No one has all the answers.

There.  The secret is out.   Does that make you feel better?

No CEO.  Not Donald Trump.  Not your boss.  Not that big time face you see all over the internet raking in “multiple six figures”.   And certainly not me or you.

It’s because as we build our businesses the world is changing at a maddening pace around us.   And we can’t possibly know it all.

All you need to know is your mission and the next steps.  And when you are big enough, how to outsource those steps that aren’t your strength – like website building or graphics creation for example.

Still, that doubt monster creeps into your head.   Literally the moments upon which I was sitting on Marie Forleo’s couch ready to shoot a video about how her B-School program grew our 24-7 COMMITMENT audience to more than 100,000 followers, I questioned what I knew and what I had to share.

Don’t listen to that doubt monster!   If you have a vision and dream on your heart, you’ve got the tools in front of you to make it happen.

When I started doing all of “this” (my first blogging and website creation and social media marketing) I didn’t know how to use Canva or place a Facebook ad or write the best copy for an email or setup an email auto-responder.   I didn’t even know exactly what product to create nor what to price it.

And it was super easy for me to look at others who had made it big and think they had some lucky breaks or insider secrets they weren’t sharing.

Now I know the truth….. it’s actions.   And testing.  And learning.  Then adjusting.  And acting again.

And boy can that seem like a long process…..unless you put yourself in a community of learners doing the same.  Then you get to accelerate that test / adjust cycle with what you learn from your peers.

B-School was one of the best tools and communities I could ever put myself in to accelerate that learning cycle and produce faster results.

And this year, B-School starts at the same moment that my current favorite Pastor and Author is releasing his 4th (5th – long story behind that) book called “Unqualified”.

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In his own words Pastor Furtick shares this:

I am unqualified. And so are you. This is a book for anyone frustrated with your failures and fed up with your weaknesses. It’s about coming to terms with the good, the bad, and the unmentionable in your life – and learning how to let God use you in spite of your mess.

Sound familiar?   I have messy parts of my life that aren’t figured out yet right now.  I have 100,000 social media followers and still some messes.   I have 15,000+ email subscribers and occasionally doubt my ability to connect with them.   Our non-profit generated  well over 6 figures of revenue last year and there are moments of frustration.    They don’t go away ever because we are human.  But we learn how to navigate that battlefield in our mind.

So decision time is here for B-School.   You can register only from Feb. 17th through March 2nd.  And then it’s closed until next year.

Because this is such an important message, for everyone who joins my B-School team, I’m going to give you a copy of this new book “Unqualified” and…. one more book that will be personally selected based on your needs.  While I’m an avid book reader, I’m only about giving you the best of the best that’s going to propel you forward.

So we’ll have a little one on one chat about your business and goals, I’ll gift you with another favorite book that’s perfect for you, and get off and running on those ACTIONS.

if you’re like me, you want to research decisions like this completely.

Learn More About the B-School Program

If you’re like me, you want to research these decisions thoroughly.   Go ahead and look at this link.  I think it will help.

My Journey To Become A Work-At-Home Mom Business Owner

My Journey To Become A Work-At-Home Mom Business Owner

 

From Corporate Executive to Thriving Work-At-Home Mom.  This is a story 22 years in the making.

In 2000, I became a mom.  And from that moment on I knew I couldn’t stay forever in my corporate ladder climbing role.  Motherhood is crazy like that.

For over a decade I tried direct sales, blogging and more.

——– then there was a sudden shift ————-

In 2014 I became a B-School alum and quit my corporate job to work exclusively from home.

——– this is that story and you chance to take the same path ——–

In 2015, as a true success story, I became a B-School affiliate partner….because there is no better framework for getting your “MBA in Online Business” and kick starting (or reviving) your flexible, passionate business.

By 2016 I began to shift focus to my Virtual Professional consulting business.

In 2018 I launched “How She Quits”

In 2019….. I continued as a divorced single mom 100% supporting myself and my 4 kids with my business.

Now here we go in 2020….. not just a survivor but a thriver as a single mom business owner.  (HINT:  I re-applied B-School teachings in 2019…. because they are foundational to every business and the strategy is applicable and timeless for every stage of your growth.)

{scroll down to the 2020 update….. or begin at the beginning and see why B-School, and this free video training series, can do the same for you.}

 

There’s no such thing as an overnight success.   I kept wondering what was that secret that all of these successful business owners were NOT telling us.  My heart wanted to follow my passions and be able to work-at-home but doing valuable, profitable work.  That’s where my family needed me most, and my audience could hear from me best.

Truth is there is no secret.  There was no one thing.  No one big break.  There were breaks but after them came hard work.  And there were great successes and before the victory dance ended they were on to the next project.

Because the secret is that once you do good for people, you immediately want to do more good.   Yes you can create business models with residual income but that doesn’t mean your work ends and that you don’t keep serving your audience.

It took me 22 years to figure that out and finally take the scary leap to running my own business.  I hope you can read this and shorten that cycle by a lot.

As a mother of 4 kids, married to a firefighter with a crazy schedule, and having spent 20 years in corporate America in a very high travel, international executive kind of role, our life was way too busy. And my corporate work, while challenging and profitable, was not fulfilling to my soul. It was boring. I loved the people and the company was so honorable and well run.  But the products, well, industrial and just not so inspiring.  And I needed something more flexible. Where I could be more creative. Be home more for my family. And that meant something more to the world than moving around more spreadsheets and data.

I really craved making a difference in the world in a bigger way.

I was feeding my creative juices by doing side consulting for non-profits helping them setup their websites, social media and marketing strategies. I started FirefighterWife.com in May 2012 as an example platform of my own so I could test out the techniques I was teaching them.

I really thought I’d exit corporate America as a freelance techie business consultant (which is where I am now). But there was an important mission-oriented stop-over.

FirefighterWife.com exploded and the need for this mission became so obvious and so urgent that I knew I had to focus there. The divorce rate in the fire service is quoted as high as 75% and my stories from our early years of marriage were really resonating with people. They wanted to know how we did it. And were so grateful to connect to women (and other firefighters) who understood their life.  Basically, I’d open my email, cry, pray for that couple and immediately think….I can’t keep helping all these people one by one via email.  We really need resources here.

But talk about overwhelm. Now I’m a mom of 4, wife of a firefighter, with a nearly full time corporate gig (I reduced to 80%) *and* a suddenly giant social media platform to manage. And I had no clue how we would fund it, but I knew these people needed a support system no matter what.

When I made this shift to focus on the non-profit, I was already in a very high dollar business coaching program for my consulting work.  You know what happened?    I got kicked out.  They said I’d only make $20k per year as a non-profit and was no longer a match for their program. Ouch. Talk about losing faith and feeling frustrated.

But I really needed structure and a system and jumping into B-School in early 2014 was my “last chance effort” to find that.

What kept me going building Firefighter Wife?

Every single day I was getting emails and messages from wives, husbands and couples that said “I needed this 3 years ago when my wife left me.”

Or “You saved my marriage, how can I help you do more?” or “I thought my marriage was good but we are so much stronger now. I didn’t even know I needed this.” or “I finally have girlfriends who understand my life. ” (and I personally felt that! I’d been praying for a best friend and suddenly I have fire wife friends all over the country!)

And here is my favorite, “Ever since my wife joined the Fire Wife Sisterhood, our sex life has improved.” And it was true!

When girls connect, they talk about intimate things, like mom guilt and depression and anxiety and weight loss struggles and sex. We encouraged each other in our marriages and our sex lives got better (we really think this is why all our husbands let us meet at our first national weekend getaway because they had to meet these friends we were all talking about who seemed to be responsible for the improved sex life.

I truly believed we were onto something incredibly special. We knew how to make a safe, encouraging online community to connect like minded people and improve their lives. There HAD to be a way to make this sustainable. I am a Christian believer and I just didn’t believe God would pull together something so good and let it just not bear more fruit.  But I really needed to find the steps to make this all come together. My whole life balance and this business.

In 2015 we converted to a non-profit called 24-7 COMMITMENT so that we could serve not only the wives (FirefighterWife.com) but also the firefighters.  Because working on marriage takes two people.  And we ended the year just shy of $200K in funding, over 100,000 people on our social media channels and over 5,000 registered members in our online peer support communities.  And over 300 people who have attended our Commitment Weekends.   I hate bragging in any way but want to show you these numbers so see that it’s the real deal.

Do you have a passion to serve and want to turn it into a thriving business?  It is possible.

 

Where Is She Now?  {February 2018}

24-7 COMMITMENT is a thriving non-profit serving thousands of fire families daily.  We are heading into year 7 and sold out our annual Commitment Weekend (marriage event coming up in July!)   That’s huge!  Getting guys, especially firefighters, to go to a marriage get away is no small feat 🙂

My advice:  Stay consistent. Stay the course.  7 years now to get to this point.

We have an amazing team that manages most of the day to day of 24-7 COMMITMENT.  So what am I doing?

It’s been 3 full years since I’ve been full time out of the corporate office.  CELEBRATE!!!

It started with 1 client, then 2, then 5…. and then I had to hire a team of contractors to serve the growing client list.

Where did that first client come from?   They saw my success with Firefighter Wife and literally pulled me into freelancing asking me to do some work on their membership site.

As my Virtual Professional work grew, and I began to look for additional team members, I realized there was a big gap in the market place.   A lot of the VA talent I came across just wasn’t the caliber I needed to get things done for clients.

That’s when How She Quits was born.

I knew a ton of other mom’s like me stuck in corporate jobs with crazy mad skills they could do from home.

They just needed to know the path to get from that cubicle to their home office with a slate of great clients paying them for those skills.

It all started with B-School.  My first big scary course investment that led me straight to meeting Marie and being interviewed by her!

Where Is She Now?  {February 2019}

One more year has passed and now here I am….. divorced.  Yep.  THE firefighter wife, no longer a wife.  But…..still a believer in marriage and helping others and Firefighter Wife and 24-7 COMMITMENT are THRIVING.

{this is what happens when you follow solid business models and build something that is sustainable and life changing}

There is a new leadership team in place.  I continue to serve as visionary and advisor on the board.  The friends and colleagues I gained through the past 7 years of running Firefighter Wife have been my truest, biggest supporters as I enter this new phase.

As a single mom of 4 supporting my family only with my own Virtual Professional Work-From-Home business.

 

Where Is She Now?  {February 2020}

A small story to illustrate best.  My teenage daughter was visiting a girl friend.  Her mom, knowing what I’ve been through asked “How’s your mom doing?” and my daughter answered without hesitation “She’s thriving.”  (and this mom promptly texted me #rockstar props for having such an insightful daughter and being the kind of woman to show my kids how to get thru the hard stuff)

Mic drop.  I didn’t have to hear anything else all year to know that I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing. Building a business to support my family AND building the kind of family bonds and relationships I want for years to come (as I watch them one by one head off into young adulthood)

In November 2019, I expanded my team size and my client list and set my trajectory on scaling for growth.   I am the only income in my household now….. growth is a goal of mine… even if it’s not yours, the methods for building a business are similar.

This Is How You Get Here

Business is really easy.

I (provide this service *or* sell this product) to this kind of customer and it helps them ____________.
Here’s my price. Would you like one?

From there it’s all about finding that person who needs what you have.

Easy peasy. That’s how I start every single conversation with a client or someone who wants to start a business.

But….then it does get complicated.

Because there are a gazillion (official count) ways to:

* package your product or service
* name it
* price it
* sell it
* market it
* deliver it
* and most importantly…..LOVE it and change lives with it!

Most businesses fail. It’s a big giant scary percent but still we try. Because something inside us says….. you *NEED* to do this. You were made for this.

I failed for over a decade before I found my first thing that felt like success.

Now have my own small consulting agency…… as a single mom fully supporting myself and my 4 kids on this income….. also employing other moms to work professionally and flexibly from home.

Dream. Job.

I’m humbled and blessed to be able to stand here (in my kitchen literally) and write this to you.

I know many people desire this same path for their lives and want to know HOW.

First of all, it takes time but don’t let that discourage you. All good things do. You can take actions or you can sit and wait for something to happen that never will.

There was actually one key action that propelled me over that pinnacle in 2014. B-School. I call it an “MBA for Online Business”….. because it isn’t like the other online marketing courses out there slapped up in a weekend.

Marie Forleo has been running B-School for over a decade. It’s so good, I retake the course each year.

I will never be building a program of my own like this because…..her’s is the best.

And as one of her partners, I can offer this program alongside my own flavor of mentorship and business strategy advising. (I can’t talk about those for another week due to the structure of her program which I highly respect. But you will be hearing a lot about B-School partners over the next couple of weeks and I encourage you to watch and learn.)

The free video training is open…..but only until the end of February.

You need to watch this free training if you are any of the following:
* Looking for a way to be your own boss that isn’t direct sales / MLM
* Want to start a blog or sell an online course / membership of any kind
* Don’t know exactly what you want to do but you want to do it from home on your own schedule
* Already run your own business but you are overwhelmed, unfocused and about ready to throw in the towel (Don’t. Reset with this.)
* Are a brick and mortar company who needs more customers, better marketing and to not feel so much “unknown” about this online business world
* Have followed me for any amount of time and know you “want to do what Lori does”

You know me. Efficiency is my love language. There are only 2 steps for you right now.

1. Sign up and watch the free training
2. Ask me anything. Literally anything. Work. Life. Business. It’s during these 2 weeks in February that I open up my heart and my mind to people who want to pursue a business.

This will be the only way to get into my training / coaching programs for the next couple of months. I mentor a tribe of like-minded B-Schoolers through an amazing 8 week journey to get clarity, focus and results on their business.

Can’t wait to see who that 2019 tribe will be!

I’ll be keeping it real, authentic, packed full of information and non-sales pitchy over here.

 

Watch Marie Forleo’s  Free Business Training Series

{access it here – only available thru February 28!}

Learn How to Build Your Business and Work-at-Home

It all starts here.   Is this the year your business explodes?

{only available until February 28}

B-School Registration will be open Feb. 13th thru Feb. 28th Only!

{bonuses for doing B-School with Lori’s mentoring and guidance will be posted Feb. 12th}

Still Not Sure? Call Me and We'll Chat

3If you are serious about B-School and your business….

Work That Works

Work That Works

The “sweet spot” is when this “life formula” adds up:

Committed Marriage + Physical Health + Mental Health + Happy Family Life + Your Work Is also Your Passion (+ your personal cup of tea hobby and interest)  = The Sweet Spot

Of course that never adds up perfectly.   We all have sick days, sick kids, yes even bratty misbehaved kids, something annoying about our spouse and many other things out of our control to lead to one or more elements of that formula taking over and dominating the equation.

However, there are a few things in that equation well within our means to tweak and adjust and find our way back to that sweet spot.  Of course marriage and health and family are lifelong journeys of learning with no shortcuts.  Every birthday brings new wisdom.

Work though.  Now that’s a choice.   Where to work.  How to work.  With whom to work.  When to work.

Even good work can go bad, at which point you chose to stick it out for the season or make a change.  You don’t have to stay stuck in bad work.

Work is always changeable in some way which is an incredibly exciting part of life.

“You can be anything” is what we tell kids but not as often do we tell it to ourselves.

Recently my church featured me in this short video during a series called “Stories from the Water Cooler”.   Last year I made the switch from working in a corporate 8-5 job that took me from my family so much to working for myself as a business consultant  and founder and director of a non-profit.  It’s a dream.  Honestly.  I don’t say that to brag.  I say that because I want this for so many people.   Not to do exactly what I have done but to find Work. That. Works.     I want for young dads to not have to fly all over God’s gorgeous creation climbing the proverbial corporate ladder selling something their heart isn’t into if it’s sucking their soul.   I want smart, talented moms to have work that flexes around their family needs.  I want baby boomers to be able to care for aging parents and still contribute their wisdom and gifts in the work place.  I want young singles out of college to be able to pursue the giant problems in our world with fresh new thinking.  I of course want firefighters to find their place in their crew and department where they can best serve…and perhaps even a side career love that fills them up after a night of tough calls.

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When you find work that works, you are best aligned to bring your best self and your best gifts to this world.  To your life, your marriage, your family, your community and more.  Ultimately, 24-7 COMMITMENT is about a commitment in all those facets of our life, including work.   It’s hard to be committed to work that doesn’t work.

Doing work that works is……

  • doing work that matches your natural and learned talents
  • doing work in an environment (office, people, team, online community) that matches your personality
  • doing work that fits with your season of family needs
  • doing work that fills your soul

If you aren’t already subscribed to my working mom email list, you can register below.   And yes, men are welcome too.  And you don’t have to know a firefighter to get in.  Because you all need to be finding creative ways to be home with your growing children as well!

It’s a New Year of Possibility Working Mama!

{In 2015, I left a 22 year career in a M-F 8-5 job that I didn’t hate but was constantly tearing my heart in two directions.  I am so blessed to be in a season where I can be home more for my 4 kids and still be contributing all my purpose and talents in a way that makes a difference outside of my home.   But these blessings don’t come without sacrifice and tough choices and seasons of discipline and focus and crazy unexplainable faith.   My heart is exploding to pour into women who are charging this same mountain.  And that includes a lot of fire wives who add to that the crazy fire life schedules.  Welcome to a new series at 24-7 COMMITMENT meant to encourage all you women out there who are crushing it at home and in the work place and need to hear more often that they rock…..and deserve that 20 minutes of peace they find with their headphones blasting and the treadmill churning while they pretend they can’t hear anyone around them!  Heart you ladies!!!  Lori @wifeonfire }

247commitment.org-workingmama

It’s been over a week since you spent 10 blissful days at home for the holidays where you finally stopped grabbing your phone to check work email and your joy was found in sticky fingers, precious arts and crafts you pretend are the next Mona Lisa treat and finally organizing that bin of outgrown clothes and basking in the accomplishment of getting your toddler to eat green beans. Your nest is organized and your clothes smell like your sweet babies nap time sweat.

Then reality hits. First day back after the new year. At first you do see the positives. Ok. Routine. We’re ready for this. Late nights and late breakfasts are fun for awhile but not so good on that nap schedule nor the waist line. And you do get to wear that new outfit Santa brought you while drinking from a new coffee mug decorated with tiny handprints and spritz on your favorite new scent. Fresh desk. Fresh planner. There is niceness in all that new.

But your whole heart and mind didn’t show up to the office because today, someone else got to wake up and snuggle your babies and / or see them off to school. It stings a little (maybe a lot.)  You compensate by crunching spreadsheets to see what you can squeeze out of your budget to spend every day at home with those adorable curtain climbers. While the rest of your brain is secretly reminding you that after 7.2 days full time at home, you’d miss the chase for that next new project bid and a reason to wear something besides comfy house clothes.

It’s a tug of war between the heart and the mind. You want both. You know you can’t do it exactly.  “You can have it all” is ridiculous because no one has ever really understood in your mind exactly how extensive your ideal “all” stretches.   Trust me.  I used to think we could have it all.  What you really want is to be able to do the right thing in the right moment with a heart that is confident you are serving with your gifts in the right place at the right moment, whether that be showing up in the 2nd grade classroom or taking a red eye to the west coast to make that important contact needed for your business.   That determined spirit inside you who’s already rocked these years birthing children and business projects all at once knows there is a way.

This applies to so many scenarios of mom’s working outside the home.  Corporate desk jobs.  Shift work nurses (although I’m so jealous of your ladies flexible schedules and part time options!).  Teachers (yes, jealous of your summers for sure but that school year M-F grind can be tough!).   Sales reps always on the road.   Small business admins.   Professionals.   Actually, I can’t think of a mom career this doesn’t apply too.   Even for me who runs my own businesses, mostly setting my own hours and working from home, still has to balance and navigate those priorities – is that email more important right now or can it wait?  Which travel do I really need to say yes to in 2016?

Women were made for motherhood and purposes way outside the scope of motherhood.   And….we were made to be able to get it all done well.   And all of us have really flubbed up that balance at one point or another.    Surround yourself with those who’ve been there and believe in you.  We hope you find that here.

It’s only a season

Firstly let me encourage you that no matter where you are, it’s a season. We are either entering a new season, content in a season, frustrated in a season or actively working to leave a season. Here’s what these seasons may look like for a woman with children who’s working a M-F 8 – 5ish kind of job:

Entering a new season:

– was just promoted
– had another child
– changed childcare arrangements (kids now in preschool part time or moved to a new provider)
– just cut back work hours

Entering a new season requires – a new plan, a new schedule, a new way to track tasks and events, training for all the newbies in the season – your new sitter, new team

Content in a season

– your boss rocks
– your schedule rocks
– the money rocks
– your kids seem well adjusted to the current mode
– your husband is managing this pace and routine
– or at least a couple of those things rock and you can tolerate the rest
– you have a side gig that’s fun and manageable and a good break from work

You feel like “you’ve got this” even when you know it’s just an illusion until the next chicken pox / bad project / sports schedule change shows up.   Still, you blissfully enjoy it.

Frustrated in a season

– constant tension between work and family schedules
– a boss who doesn’t understand
– projects that don’t light your fire
– fraught with illness, doctors appointments or some new “stage” of childhood that knows how to push all your buttons
– your husband’s job is high pressure at the same time as yours
– you know you have to keep working to pay off some bad debt
– you’re overwhelmed with all your tasks trying to work your day job and your hopeful side gig

In this season, you may find yourself wondering if you’ll ever be cut out for this life.  That negative self-talk can get ugly.

Actively working to leave a season

– you’re killing it in your routine
– you see a light at the end of a project tunnel and a chance for a re-org with a new team and / or boss
– it’s almost winter break / summer break / vacation time
– your kids are changing an age group – starting into school full-time
– you’re about to start / end maternity leave
– your dream job second job is growing to a point you can maybe leave your daytime gig
– You know you can hang on for _____ days

In this season you feel like you could take on the world and can’t wait to celebrate with that sweet reward at the end.

Will you join us?  A journey together to find our perfect moments no matter the season.  Less judging.  More encouraging.  And trusted advice as we go navigate.  No you can’t have it “all” but you can have all the perfect moments.

There are seasons when we need to hold onto the day job to support our family and seasons when there is nothing more important than getting the heck the out of there. Join our community of women who are burning the candle at both ends to do the right thing for their family and move their career to their kitchen table.

3 Things That Will Make Moms Want to Quit Their Job- and How to Get Through Those Moements

I’ve been a woman all my life (ha ha!).  I’ve always had a job since age 16.  Therefore I call myself a “working woman” and by that I mean no disrespect to stay at home moms.   And I’ve birthed 4 children while maintaining my employment starting with my millennium baby in January 2000.  I’ve worked full time, part time, flex time, ramp up / ramp down, work from home and all combinations in the corporate world.   I think i have something to say about this topic.  Well, a ton actually.  But here is one of my most favorite posts I wrote all the way back in 2008 after the birth of my 4th.   It’s meant to help new moms be prepared for new mom brain no matter how career minded you are.  You’re normal.  And it passes 🙂

Mother and baby in home office with laptop

I experienced these three situations with every single child, even number 4 when I knew well in advance these moments would arrive.   I don’t think the tension of being a mom versus doing the work you love ever entirely goes away – just for seasons of good balance which I so treasure.  So just consider this a heads up so you aren’t blindsided and making rash decisions 🙂

#1 Holding your newborn baby in your arms.
It does not matter how career driven and focused you are. That precious newborn that just sprung forth from your womb needs Y-O-U. 100%. 24/7. She is priority #1. In your hormone induced opinion, there is not a single other qualified person on the planet who is capable of caring for that child. Daddy gets his chance to bond of course. And depending on how close you are to your mom or sisters or girlfriends, they can be briefly entrusted with the care of your newborn so you can escape for a shower or a meal. Sometimes this feeling lasts for 2 days, sometimes it lasts for 2 weeks or 6 weeks or even longer. By the time I was due with my 4th child, I knew it was coming. I thought about my career and how to manage my job while on maternity leave and I fully expected to have that window of time where all I wanted to do was hold that baby and gaze lovingly upon her and watch her breath as if she needed my moral support for every single inhale………..and swear I’d never go back to work for another day until I ushered this little creation through her high school graduation. But this time, I saved myself the emotional agony of wrestling with the guilty working mom decision again. I told myself it was coming, to enjoy that time period where I was allowed to sit and do nothing but love on her. It would quickly pass. And before long, this little bundle of feathers would be rosy cheeked and vibrant and ‘durable’ enough that I’d entrust her to a caregiver. And even sooner, she’d be a strong-willed, temper-tantruming 3 year old whom I’d gladly handle over to the authorities for fear of ringing her little neck! To all those expectant moms out there…..you too will feel this way. It’s our hormonal natural animal instinct. My advice: don’t make any rash decisions with raging post-partum hormones

The #2 reason you swear to never work another day in your life: Not having trustworthy, reliable childcare
As soon as you discover that your childcare provider is throwing lunchables in front of your kids everyday for lunch instead of a well balanced meal with apples, cheese sticks and chicken soup. Or doesn’t greet you at the door with a smile. Or talks on the phone incessantly (in front of you!) in a depressing tone to her friends. Or doesn’t stand up for your child when he’s being picked on at the daycare center. Or, or, or, or. The list goes on and on. To some of you, these may not sound like big things. But for that delicately balanced teeter totter of guilt, it only takes one small item to tip things the other way. You are already sacrificing time away from your children for a career you feel called to or that is required to make ends meet. But never, under any circumstance, would you do that if it meant your children were not happy and satisfied during the day. I always say we’d move to a trailer in the boondocks before we’d sacrifice the well-being of our children. You’ll cancel the most important meeting under the sun (or call in a very difficult favor!) if you felt that the childcare situation was compromising your child’s well-being.

Reason #3: Having a sick child
Even if you have the best Mary Poppins nanny who stays at your house to watch your kids, when babies are sick, they want their mommies. My brain completely turns off as I snuggle in my feverish, stuffy nose, red cheeked babies from 6 am to 3 pm. I’ll let work know not to expect me and put all my focus on them until I feel they are safely out of the woods and I see nourishment and a smile cross their lips. This works for the occasional virus or flu bug. But there are children who are really, really sick with a life threatening illness. I experienced this with my first child who was born 10 weeks early and weighed only 3 pounds. He spent the first 30 days in the hospital and the first 6 months on various medications and monitors that taught me more about the medical field than I care to know. During that time, my full focus was on him and his well being. He recovered and so did I and went back to my career. But that is the one scenario in which I can’t imagine trying to be a working mom. Thank the Lord I have been blessed with healthy children and have not had to make this a consideration. But should that be the case, then I know exactly what will be required of me. At that point, my purpose in life becomes nurturing my babies. And for those moms out there who have done this, you are amazing and strong. More than you even know and way more than you are probably told. For those individuals and those seasons of our lives, I leave this thought which was shared with me by the attending physician when my son was born 10 weeks early: God does not give you more than you can handle!

So on this journey of being a working mom, there are peaks and valleys, bumps and turns, and lots of crossroads where we must re-evaluate our decision. Keep in mind these 3 scenarios and realize it is only for a season and make your decision when standing on a firm foundation and not in the midst of turmoil and change.

There are seasons when we need to hold onto the day job to support our family and seasons when there is nothing more important than getting the heck the out of there. Join our community of women who are burning the candle at both ends to do the right thing for their family and move their career to their kitchen table.

Worst Day of the Year for Working Moms

Before I even start, let me clarify.  All mom’s work like mad.  But in this case, I’m using the term “working moms” to refer to mom’s who work outside the home.

summerbreakworkingmomsThe worst day of the year for me is the first day of summer vacation. It’s not because I’m dreading having the kids home. But it’s because I have a job that takes me out of the home during the day Monday – Friday. And while my kids have been excitedly counting down to the first day of summer, it breaks my heart that I do not get to spend this time with them. This year my kindergartener first grader (now) must have asked me 10 times “When is your last day mom?” and I choked back tears every time.

We all know that firefighters don’t do their job for the money. There’s a whole lot of love and passion that drives them to these careers with long hours and no juicy corporate bonuses. So many fire wives do work outside the home to supplement their income. I’m secretly jealous of all of you in the medical profession who have great options for going part time or contingent or working shifts that adapt more easily to your husband’s shift work. (Ok, the grass is always greener and I’m sure you all would highly debate me on that point…especially those working the night shift and on your feet the whole time!)

But my gifting is not in the medical field and the economy values my talents in corporate America. So off to work I go during my best, most alert and wide awake hours of the day for 5 days each week.  I don’t hate it.  It’s an amazing job with a great company, great people, enormous international exposure and travel opportunities and it matches with my brain and interpersonal skills.  And let’s be grateful.  There are many people out there who would LOVE to have my job.  However, sometimes I feel like the best of me is given to my work and what’s left of me holds it together for my family every evening. And weekends are jam packed trying to make up for all the missed time in between. Give me a rainy weekend and a sunny Monday and it’s enough to send me swirling into the land of negativity.

Our culture was not always like this. It brings me comfort to hear the baby boomers acknowledge how expensive it is to raise a family these days requiring two incomes but also how difficult it is to have both parents working outside the home. And without my parents helping us with childcare on the times I need to travel for work, there is no way we could pull it off.

We constantly question “is it worth it?” Maybe we should just move into one of the $25,000, 1000 sq ft houses in the inner city where my husband works. Where my kids would not be safe playing in the yard. Where the 6 of us would be stacked on top of each other through the long Ohio winters. Where I’d be forced to home school my children for fear of their safety in the schools. Yeah. No. That’s not the answer.

But every year we do the Dave Ramsey snowball debt pay down math and we’re still waiting for that avalanche to attack our mortgage in a noticeable way, all the while closing in on the college years. Now here we are only 5 years from our oldest MOVING OUT OF OUR HOME and starting his own life in the (even more expensive) college season. And only 13 years away from potential retirement of my husband and realizing that is not really “the end” of our work life unless we plan to live in a cardboard box down by the river.

It could send me over the edge into a helpless depression if I let it. But I know that God’s got this. He’s providing every day. Our daily bread. One day at a time. And I need to trust Him with our future. My work is a blessing the enables so many wonderful things in our life. Our kids have access to so many schools and sports teams and cultural experiences because of it. And I have been so blessed in my corporate world with a company that has been flexible and accommodating through 4 pregnancies and the unpredictable world of sick children. I’ve been part time, full time, flex time, work from home time and everything in between. We are all being flexible to make it work. #sograteful

And it’s only because of my husband’s firefighter schedule that (we think) our kids are not seriously impacted by two working parents. They are not being raised in childcare and they get so much Daddy time during the weekdays and summertime when I’m working. And I am so proud when I hear my kids talk about the ways they want their careers to change the world (ok, let me pretend it’s because of my influence in global business that they’ve picked up on this. It makes me feel better). I’d be lying if I said my aching mothering instincts do not sometimes get jealous of the time Daddy gets with them. Especially when they are sick. Or have a special event. Or it’s the first day of summer break. Or they tell me I’m always on my iPhone. *sigh*

There is one major reason we can pull this off (better than we used to by the way). This is not an argument between myself and my husband. It’s a decision and trade off we made together (and constantly reassess in a healthy manner). My husband sacrificed advancements in the fire service to be home with the kids during the younger years. (Now that the youngest starts 1st grade he’s gearing up to get back into a 2nd job in the fire service). And I’ve sacrificed some Mommy time, especially these summer fun days, to help provide financially for our family. He supports my career. I don’t nitpick about tidy-ness and pinterest projects and the summer reading program I wished he’d do with the kids during the day. Our house is mostly a half decorated, cluttered disaster because we prioritize family over home improvement (but not over a sanitizing cleanse!). We have zero landscaping. That’s not where I want to spend my time at home. It’s incredibly freeing to let go of those standards of home decorating and organization that the world shows us today.   And so far, our true friends have not abandoned us for these choices.

But sometimes, especially on the first day of summer, all that rationality goes out the window and I just want to cry and be home. Those are the moments reserved for a vacation day. A night where the smartphone stays in my purse and I pretend it doesn’t exist. A morning where I avoid planning an 8 am meeting so I can lounge a little longer in our PJs over breakfast before heading into the office.

Hats off to all the fire-wife-moms working outside the home this summer.   Take it easy on yourself.  Plan a lighter schedule (if possible) and come home to popsicle smiles and sticky kisses and make the most of it.  Because they’ll be heading off to college before you know it!

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My neighbor who does not work outside the house posted this photo for me yesterday of all our kids at the pool. I think we both envy each other equally some days 🙂

 

There are seasons when we need to hold onto the day job to support our family and seasons when there is nothing more important than getting the heck the out of there. Join our community of women who are burning the candle at both ends to do the right thing for their family and move their career to their kitchen table.